LaDOSE/LaDOSE.Src/LaDOSE.DiscordBot/answers.txt

Flying sex snakes
Michelle Obama's arms
German dungeon porn
White people
Getting so angry that you pop a boner
Tasteful sideboob
Praying the gay away
Two midgets shitting into a bucket
MechaHitler
Being a motherfucking sorcerer
A disappointing birthday party
Puppies!
A windmill full of corpses
Guys who don't call
Racially-biased SAT questions
Dying
Steven Hawking talking dirty
Being on fire
A lifetime of sadness
An erection that lasts longer than four hours
AIDS
Same-sex ice dancing
Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook
The Rapture
Pterodactyl eggs
Crippling debt
Eugenics
Exchanging pleasantries
Dying of dysentery
Roofies
Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon
The forbidden fruit
Republicans
The Big Bang
Anal beads
Amputees
Men
Surprise sex!
Kim Jong-il
Concealing a boner
Agriculture
Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards
Making a pouty face
A salty surprise
The Jews
Charisma
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
Panda sex
Taking off your shirt
A drive-by shooting
Ronald Reagan
Morgan Freeman's voice
Breaking out into song and dance
Jewish fraternities
Dead babies
Masturbation
Hormone injections
All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99
Incest
Scalping
Soup that is too hot
The Übermensch
Nazis
Tom Cruise
Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis
Edible underpants
The Hustle
A Super Soaker™ full of cat pee
Figgy pudding
Object permanence
Consultants
Intelligent design
Nocturnal emissions
Uppercuts
Being marginalized
The profoundly handicapped
Obesity
Chutzpah
Unfathomable stupidity
Repression
Attitude
Passable transvestites
Party poopers
The American Dream
Child beauty pageants
Puberty
Testicular torsion
The folly of man
Nickelback
Swooping
Goats eating cans
The KKK
Kamikaze pilots
Horrifying laser hair removal accidents
Adderall™
A look-see
Doing the right thing
The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge
Lactation
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Powerful thighs
Saxophone solos
The gays
A middle-aged man on roller skates
A foul mouth
The thing that electrocutes your abs
Heteronormativity
Cuddling
Coat hanger abortions
A big hoopla about nothing
Boogers
A hot mess
Raptor attacks
My collection of high-tech sex toys
Fear itself
Bees?
Getting drunk on mouthwash
Sniffing glue
Oversized lollipops
An icepick lobotomy
Being rich
Friends with benefits
Teaching a robot to love
Women's suffrage
Me time
The heart of a child
Smallpox blankets
The clitoris
John Wilkes Booth
The glass ceiling
Sarah Palin
Sexy pillow fights
Yeast
Full frontal nudity
Parting the Red Sea
A Bop It™
Michael Jackson
Team-building exercises
Harry Potter erotica
Authentic Mexican cuisine
Frolicking
Sexting
Grandma
Not giving a shit about the Third World
Licking things to claim them as your own
Genghis Khan
The hardworking Mexican
RoboCop
My relationship status
Scrubbing under the folds
Porn Stars
Horse meat
Sunshine and rainbows
Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor
Barack Obama
Spontaneous human combustion
Natural selection
Mouth herpes
Flash flooding
Goblins
A monkey smoking a cigar
Spectacular abs
A good sniff
Wiping her butt
The Three-Fifths compromise
Pedophiles
Doin' it in the butt
Being fabulous
Mathletes
Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry
Nipple blades
An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist
A bag of magic beans
Vigorous jazz hands
A defective condom
Skeletor
Vikings
Leaving an awkward voicemail
Teenage pregnancy
Dead parents
Hot cheese
My sex life
A mopey zoo lion
Assless chaps
Riding off into the sunset
Lance Armstrong's missing testicle
Sweet, sweet vengeance
Genital piercings
Keg stands
Darth Vader
Viagra®
Necrophilia
A really cool hat
Toni Morrison's vagina
An Oedipus complex
The Tempur-Pedic® Swedish Sleep System™
Preteens
Dick fingers
A cooler full of organs
Shapeshifters
The Care Bear Stare
Erectile dysfunction
Keanu Reeves
The Virginia Tech Massacre
The Underground Railroad
The chronic
Queefing
Heartwarming orphans
A thermonuclear detonation
Cheating in the Special Olympics
Tangled Slinkys
A moment of silence
Civilian casualties
Catapults
Sharing needles
Ethnic cleansing
Emotions
Children on leashes
Balls
Homeless people
Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale
Old-people smell
Farting and walking away
The inevitable heat death of the universe
The violation of our most basic human rights
Fingering
The placenta
The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
Leprosy
Sperm whales
Multiple stab wounds
Flightless birds
Grave robbing
Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®
Oompa-Loompas
A murder most foul
Tentacle porn
Daddy issues
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Peeing a little bit
The miracle of childbirth
Tweeting
Another goddamn vampire movie
Britney Spears at 55
New Age music
The Make-A-Wish® Foundation
Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog
Active listening
Nicolas Cage
72 virgins
Stranger danger
Hope
A gassy antelope
BATMAN!!!
Chivalry
Passing a kidney stone
Black people
Natalie Portman
A mime having a stroke
Classist undertones
Sean Penn
A mating display
The Holy Bible
Hot Pockets®
A sad handjob
Pulling out
Serfdom
Pixelated bukkake
Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up
Jew-fros
Waiting 'til marriage
Euphoria™ by Calvin Klein
The World of Warcraft
Lunchables™
The Kool-Aid Man
The Trail of Tears
Self-loathing
A falcon with a cap on its head
Historically black colleges
Not reciprocating oral sex
Global warming
Ghosts
World peace
A can of whoop-ass
The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
A zesty breakfast burrito
Switching to Geico®
Aaron Burr
Picking up girls at the abortion clinic
Land mines
Former President George W. Bush
Geese
Mutually-assured destruction
College
Date rape
Bling
A gentle caress of the inner thigh
A time travel paradox
Seppuku
Poor life choices
Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot
Italians
GoGurt®
Finger painting
Robert Downey, Jr
My soul
Smegma
Embryonic stem cells
The South
Christopher Walken
Gloryholes
Pretending to care
Public ridicule
A tiny horse
Arnold Schwarzenegger
A stray pube
Jerking off into a pool of children's tears
Child abuse
Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts
Menstruation
A sassy black woman
Re-gifting
Penis envy
A sausage festival
Getting really high
Drinking alone
Too much hair gel
Hulk Hogan
Overcompensation
Foreskin
Free samples
Shaquille O'Neal's acting career
Five-Dollar Footlongs™
Whipping it out
A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis
Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him)
Half-assed foreplay
Dental dams
Being a dick to children
Famine
Chainsaws for hands
A gypsy curse
AXE Body Spray
The Force
Explosions
Cybernetic enhancements
Customer service representatives
White privilege
Gandhi
Road head
God
Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes
8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin
Judge Judy
The Little Engine That Could
Altar boys
Mr. Clean, right behind you
Vehicular manslaughter
Dwarf tossing
Friction
Lady Gaga
Scientology
Justin Bieber
A death ray
Vigilante justice
The Pope
A sea of troubles
Alcoholism
Poor people
A fetus
Women in yogurt commercials
Exactly what you'd expect
Flesh-eating bacteria
My genitals
A balanced breakfast
Dick Cheney
Lockjaw
Natural male enhancement
Take-backsies
Winking at old people
Opposable thumbs
Flying sex snakes
Passive-aggressive Post-it notes
Inappropriate yodeling
Golden showers
Racism
Copping a feel
Auschwitz
Elderly Japanese men
Raping and pillaging
Kids with ass cancer
Pictures of boobs
The homosexual agenda
A homoerotic volleyball montage
Sexual tension
Hurricane Katrina
Fiery poops
Science
Dry heaving
Cards Against Humanity
Fancy Feast®
A bleached asshole
Lumberjack fantasies
American Gladiators
Autocannibalism
Sean Connery
William Shatner
Domino's™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza
An asymmetric boob job
Centaurs
A micropenis
Asians who aren't good at math
The milk man
Waterboarding
Wifely duties
Loose lips
The Blood of Christ
Actually taking candy from a baby
The token minority
Jibber-jabber
A brain tumor
Bingeing and purging
A clandestine butt scratch
The Chinese gymnastics team
Prancing
The Hamburglar
Police brutality
Man meat
Forgetting the Alamo
Eating the last known bison
Crystal meth
Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars
My inner demons
Third base
Soiling oneself
Laying an egg
Giving 110%
Hot people
Friendly fire
Count Chocula
Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum
Estrogen
My vagina
Kanye West
A robust mongoloid
The Donald Trump Seal of Approval™
The true meaning of Christmas
Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II
An honest cop with nothing left to lose
Feeding Rosie O'Donnell
The Amish
The terrorists
When you fart and a little bit comes out
Pooping back and forth. Forever
Friends who eat all the snacks
Cockfights
Bitches
Seduction
A big black dick
A beached whale
A bloody pacifier
A crappy little hand
A low standard of living
A nuanced critique
Panty raids
A passionate Latino lover
A rival dojo
A web of lies
A woman scorned
Clams
Apologizing
A plunger to the face
Neil Patrick Harris
Beating your wives
Being a dinosaur
Shaft
Bosnian chicken farmers
Nubile slave boys
Carnies
Coughing into a vagina
Suicidal thoughts
The ooze
Deflowering the princess
Dorito breath
Eating an albino
Enormous Scandinavian women
Fabricating statistics
Finding a skeleton
Gandalf
Genetically engineered super-soldiers
George Clooney's musk
Getting abducted by Peter Pan
Getting in her pants, politely
Gladiatorial combat
Clenched butt cheeks
Hipsters
Historical revisionism
Insatiable bloodlust
Jafar
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Just the tip
Mad hacky-sack skills
Leveling up
Literally eating shit
Making the penises kiss
24-hour media coverage
Medieval Times© Dinner & Tournament
Moral ambiguity
My machete
One thousand Slim Jims
Ominous background music
Overpowering your father
Stockholm Syndrome
Quiche
Quivering jowls
Revenge fucking
Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart
Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse
Santa Claus
Scrotum tickling
Sexual humiliation
Sexy Siamese twins
Saliva
Space muffins
Statistically validated stereotypes
Sudden Poop Explosion Disease
The boners of the elderly
The economy
Syphilitic insanity
The Gulags
The harsh light of day
The hiccups
The shambling corpse of Larry King
The four arms of Vishnu
Being a busy adult with many important things to do
Tripping balls
Words, words, words
Zeus's sexual appetites
A bigger, blacker dick
The mere concept of Applebee's®
A sad fat dragon with no friends
Catastrophic urethral trauma
Hillary Clinton's death stare
Existing
A pinata full of scorpions
Mooing
Swiftly achieving orgasm
Daddy's belt
Double penetration
Weapons-grade plutonium
Some really fucked-up shit
Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife
Rising from the grave
The mixing of the races
Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes
Scrotal frostbite
All of this blood
Loki, the trickster god
Whining like a little bitch
Pumping out a baby every nine months
Tongue
Finding Waldo
Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots
Wearing an octopus for a hat
An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea
Living in a trashcan
The corporations
A magic hippie love cloud
Fuck Mountain
Survivor's guilt
Me
Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group
Jeff Goldblum
Making a friend
A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
Intimacy problems
A sweaty, panting leather daddy
Spring break!
Being awesome at sex
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
Another shot of morphine
Beefin' over turf
A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles
Bullshit
The Google
Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game®
The new Radiohead album
An army of skeletons
A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings
Mild autism
Nunchuck moves
Whipping a disobedient slave
An ether-soaked rag
A sweet spaceship
A 55-gallon drum of lube
Special musical guest, Cher
The human body
Boris the Soviet Love Hammer
The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney
Tiny nipples
Power
Oncoming traffic
A dollop of sour cream
A slightly shittier parallel universe
My first kill
Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content
Fetal alcohol syndrome
The day the birds attacked
One Ring to rule them all
Grandpa's ashes
Basic human decency
A Burmese tiger pit
Death by Steven Seagal
Dragon boobs
Verisimilitude
Dissociated mechanics
Rape
Storygames
Random chargen
RPG.net
Dice inserted somewhere painful
FATAL
Ron Edwards' brain damage
Boob plate armor
Gamer chicks
GNS theory
Drizzt
The entire Palladium Books® Megaverse™
BadWrongFun
Misogynerds
Cultural Marxism
Pissing on Gary Gygax's grave
Steve Jackson's beard
Natural 20
Rapenards
The Crisis of Treachery™
Game balance
Fishmalks
A kick to the dicebags
Bearded dwarven women
Owlbear's tears
Magic missile
THAC0
Bigby's Groping Hands
Drow blackface
Save or die
Swine
The Forge
Healing Surges
Gelatinous Cubes
Total Party Kill
Quoting Monty Python
Dumbed down shit for ADD WoW babies
Mike Mearls
Comeliness
Vampire: The Masquerade
Rifts™
The random prostitute table
Dildo of Enlightenment +2
Grognards Against Humanity
Cthulhu
The naked succubus in the Monster Manual
Role-playing and roll-playing
Fun Tyrant
4rries
Martial dailies
Black Tokyo
Killfuck Soulshitter
Cheetoism
Grimdark
Kobolds
Oozemaster
Rocks fall, everyone dies
Mark Rein·Hagen
Maid RPG
Splugorth blind warrior women
Dying during chargen
Slaughtering innocent orc children
Lesbian stripper ninjas
Magical tea party
Grinding levels
Dice animism
White privilege
Githyanki therapy
Amber Diceless Roleplaying
A ratcatcher with a small but vicious dog
Bribing the GM with sexual favors
Eurocentric fantasy
Sacred cows
Gygaxian naturalism
Special snowflakes
Neckbeards
Gazebos
Lorraine Williams
Nude larping
Portable holes
Steampunk bullshit
Dump stats
Ale and whores
Japanese schoolgirl porn
Horny catgirls
Japanese people
Cimo
ZA WARUDO!
40 gigs of lolicon
Goku's hair
Slashfic
Star Gentle Uterus
Naruto headbands
Homestuck troll horns
Hayao Miyazaki
The tsunami
Death Note
Small breasts
Asians being racist against each other
Weeaboo bullshit
Tsundere
Body pillows
A lifelike silicone love doll
Anime figures drenched in jizz
Surprise sex
Yaoi
Girls with glasses
Bronies
Blue and white striped panties
4chan
Hello Kitty vibrator
Finishing attack
Keikaku* *(keikaku means plan)
Hatsune Miku's screams
School swimsuits
Lovingly animated bouncing boobs
Dragon Balls
Zangief's chest hair
DeviantArt
Giant fucking robots
Crossplay
Moeblob
Carl Macek's rotting corpse
My waifu
Voice actress Megumi Hayashibara
Lynn Minmei
Panty shots
Love and Justice
Consensual tentacle rape
Gundam
Captain Bright slapping Amuro
The Wave Undulation Cannon
Having sex in the P.E. equipment shed
Tainted sushi
Shitty eurobeat music
Bad dubbing
Fangirls
Kawaii desu uguu
Futanari
Lesbian schoolgirls
Osamu Tezuka, rolling in his grave forever
FUNimation
Underage cosplayers in bondage gear
Jackie Chan
Exchanging Pocky for sexual favors
Shipping
Chiyo's father
Magikarp
Derpy
Nanoha and her special friend Fate
The marbles from Ramune bottles
Wideface
Spoilers
Man-Faye
Oppai mousepads
Another dimension
Homura sniffing Madoka's panties
Hadouken
Asian ball-jointed dolls
J-list
Childhood friends
Monkey D. Luffy's rubbery cock
Cloud's giant fucking Buster Swords
Taking a dump in Char's helmet
Hentai marathons
Gothic Lolita
Onaholes
Super Saiyan Level 2
Gaia Online
Santa's heavy sack
Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar
Another shitty year
Whatever Kwanzaa is supposed to be about
A Christmas stocking full of coleslaw
Elf cum
The tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card
Taking down Santa with a surface-to-air missile
Socks
Pretending to be happy
Krampus, the Austrian Christmas monster
The Star Wars Holiday Special
My hot cousin
Mall Santa
Several intertwining love stories featuring Hugh Grant
A Hungry-Man™ Frozen Christmas Dinner for one
Gift-wrapping a live hamster
Space Jam on VHS
Immaculate conception
Fucking up 'Silent Night' in front of 300 parents
A visually arresting turtleneck
A toxic family environment
Eating an entire snowman
Bumpses
A Vin Gerard H8 X 10
Harry Acropolis
Under the ring
Afa The Wild Samoan
Peanut Butter and Baby sandwiches
Yard Tards
Two girls, one cup
Ugly Mexican Hookers
Duct tape
Sodaj
Steve The Teacher
Jefferee
Autoerotic Asphyxiation
Sonic The Hedgehog
Lotto Money
Jailbait
Prison rape
Two And A Half Men
Anne Frank
Black Santa
Jesus Christ (our lord and saviour)
Farting with your armpits
Poopsicles
Slaughtering innocent children
Sex with vegetables
My gay ex-husband
Accidentally sexting your mom
Tabasco in your pee-hole
Pee Wee Herman
A breath of fresh air
A great big floppy donkey dick
A pyramid scheme
A school bus surrounded by cop cars
A short walk in the desert with shovels
All the boys staring at your chest
An amorous stallion
Being so wet it just slides out of you
Being tarred and feathered
Catching 'em all
Chained to the bed and whipped to orgasmic bliss by a leather-clad woman
Child-bearing hips
Defenestration
Dungeons andgor dragons
Ecco the Dolphin
George Washington riding on a giant eagle
Getting abducted and probed by aliens
Going viral on YouTube
Gushing
Making the baby Jesus cry
More than you can chew
Napalm
Pancake bitches
Playing God with the power of lightning
Playing tonsil-hockey
Racing cheese wheels downhill
Riding the bomb
Settling arguments with dance-offs
Sheer spite
Sinister laughter
SS Girls
Stealing your sister's underwear
Stroking a cat the wrong way
Sucking and blowing
The bullet with your name on it
The entire rest of eternity, spent in fucking Bruges
The oceans rising to reclaim the land
A cocained-fuelled sex orgy heart attack
A cocktail umbrella 
A murdergsuicide pact
A squirming mass of kittens
An angry mob with torches and pitchforks
Biting my girlfriend like a vampire during sex
Dropping your pants and saluting
Frankenstein's Monster
Getting a blowjob in a theater
Going full retard
Going slob-slob-slob all over that knob
Leaking implants
Low-flying planes
Monkies flinging their own shit
My robot duplicate
Other people’s children
People who can't take a joke. Seriously
Popping a boner during Sex Ed class
Projectile vomiting
Pulling down panties with your teeth
Saying 
Shedding skin like a snake
Shooting Valley Girls for like, saying like all the time. Really
Slow seductive tentacle rape
Talking like a pirate, y’arr!
Tenderly kissing a unicorn's horn
That bastard Jesus!
The last shreads of dignity
The power of friendship
This card intentionally left blank
Throwing water on a braless woman in a white t-shirt
Upskirts
Wasting all your money on hookers and booze
Winning
A foot fetish
A powerful gag reflex
A tight, Asian pussy
Explosive decompression
Extraordinary Rendition
Forgetting the safety word
Greeting Christmas carollers naked
Handcuffs, without the key
Having a drill for a penis
Hot Jailbait Ass
Liposuction gone horrible wrong
My harem of scantily clad women
Nazi Zombie Robot Ninjas
Redneck gypsies
Scissoring
A guy and two robots who won’t shut up
A shotgun wedding
Anne Frank's diary
Autoerotic asphyxiation
Blow Up Bianca the Latex Lovedoll
Endlessly tumbling down an up escalator
Fun with nuns
Getting it all over the walls
Holiday Dinner by Jack Daniels
Nailgun fights
Teaching the bitch a lesson
Nazi super science
Making a human centipede
The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now
A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus
Cock
A cop who is also a dog
Dying alone and in pain
Gay aliens
The way white people is
Reverse cowgirl
The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili's©
Actually getting shot, for real
Not having sex
Vietnam flashbacks
Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere
Nothing
Warm, velvety muppet sex
Self-flagellation
The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life
Samuel L. Jackson
A boo-boo
Going around punching people
The entire Internet
Some kind of bird-man
Chugging a lava lamp
Having sex on top of a pizza
Indescribable loneliness
An ass disaster
Shutting the fuck up
All my friends dying
Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR
Spending lots of money
Some douche with an acoustic guitar
Flying robots that kill people
A greased-up Matthew McConaughey
An unstoppable wave of fire ants
Not contributing to society in any meaningful way
An all-midget production of Shakespeare's <i>Richard III<gi>
Screaming like a maniac
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth
Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding
Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks
Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath
Velcro&trade;
A PowerPoint presentation
A surprising amount of hair
Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers
Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king
That ass
A pile of squirming bodies
Buying the right pants to be cool
Blood farts
Three months in the hole
A botched circumcision
The Land of Chocolate
Slapping a racist old lady
A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint
Jumping out at people
A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie
Mufasa's death scene
Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone
Demonic possession
The Harlem Globetrotters
Vomiting mid-blowjob
My manservant, Claude
Having shotguns for legs
Letting everyone down
A spontaneous conga line
A vagina that leads to another dimension
Disco fever
Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick
Fisting
The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn
Girls that always be textin'
Blowing some dudes in an alley
Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs&reg; to get fifty continuous hours of energy
Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time
A freshly-filled diaper
Glue
An unusually-attractive transvestite
Hand-me-down adult diapers
A stillborn fetus
A disgraced pelican
Three buckets of urine, free for 2 nights, with no late fee
My testicles
A black woman's vagina
My asshole
A whale's blowhole
2 Girls 1 Cup
The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Teen pregnancy
Ass hair
Vaginal warts
Ellen Degeneres
Jews Against Humanity
Indy wrestling
Cunt
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo while dressed as Ru Paul's brother, Ron
A roll in the hay
\"Get 'em, Steve-Dave!\"
God Hates You
Manboobs
Daniel Benoit
Vomiting in the shower
An intellectually superior overlord
Dwight Schrute
Casey Anthony
Clubbin seals
Stunt cock
Anal lice
Lightsaber Dildos
Jaime Lannister, 'The Kingslayer'
Cersei Lannister, the Queen
Joffrey Baratheon, the Prince
Tyrion Lannister, 'The Imp'
Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North
Robb Stark, heir apparent of Winterfell
Jon Snow, the bastard
Catelyn Stark, Lady of Winterfell
Sansa Stark, betrothed to Prince Joffrey
Arya Stark
Bran Stark
Hodor
The Wall
The Night's Watch
Danerys Targaryen, Khaleesi of the Dothraki
Theon Greyjoy, Ned Stark's youthful ward
Peter 'Littlefinger' Baelish
Lord Varys, the Spider
King Robert Baratheon, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord Protector of the Realm
Khal Drogo, Dothraki horse lord
The Iron Throne
HODOR!!
Ros, the red-headed whore
Winterfell
Kings's Landing
The North
Beyond the Wall
Westeros
The Seven Kingdoms
Direwolves
White Walkers
Dragons
'Winter is Coming'
The old gods and the new
Incest, hot twin on twin action
House Stark
House Lannister
House Targaryen
George R. R. Martin
Gratuitous nudity, the way only HBO® can provide
Throwing a boy out of a window to cover up incest
Joining the Night's Watch
Selling your sister to Dothraki nomads
Making your husband love you through cunning use of reverse cowgirl
Running a whorehouse, which is better than owning ships
Conquering the continent with dragons
Being forced to marry an abusive king
Beheading a man for having no honor
Explaining complicated plot with lots of naked women around
Trusting Littlefinger
Learning the prince is a bastard and the product of incest
Slapping Joffrey. Repeatedly
Cutting off your enemies' heads and mounting them on spikes
Raising your husband's bastard son as your own
Asking a teenage girl if she's 'bled yet'
Making millions of fans cry by killing off beloved characters
Hodoring
Riding off to join your best friend's rebellion
Breastfeeding your creepy son until he's 9 years old
Having a giant wolf for a pet
Beheaded on the steps of the Sept of Baelor
Killed by a member of the Kingsguard
Seized the Iron Throne by any means necessary
Built a 700 foot high wall to keep out bad things
Born a bastard
Butchered by White Walkers and arranged in an artful pattern
Appointed as Hand of the King
Found enough wolf cubs for all the children
Fondled by your brother on your wedding day
Climbed the wrong wall at the wrong time
Started a pointless vendetta with another House
Increased ratings with the use of gratuitous nudity
Carried by Hodor
Pissed off of the Wall just because
Swore an oath to the old gods and the new
Brought home a new baby bastard for your wife to hate
Negotiated a wedding no one will like
Rode a dragon, like a boss
Changed things from the book, infuriating fans
Spent an entire reign chasing boars and fucking whores
Full HD
The Gravity Gun
Reading the comments
70,000 gamers sweating and farting inside an airtight steel dome
Allowing nacho cheese to curdle in your beard while you creep in League of Legends
Achieving the manual dexterity and tactical brilliance of a 12-year-old Korean boy
Rolling a D20 to save a failing marriage
The collective wail of every Magic player suddenly realizing that they've spent hundreds of dollars on pieces of cardboard
Being an attractive elf trapped in an unattractive human's body
Temporary invincibility
The Sarlacc
Filling every pouch of a UtiliKilt&trade; with pizza
Bowser's aching heart
Mario Kart rage
Nude-Modding Super Mario World
An angry stone head that stomps on the floor every three seconds
Yoshi's huge egg-laying cloaca
The Cock Ring of Alacrity
Offering sexual favors for an ore and a sheep
A home-made, cum-stained Star Trek uniform
Unlocking a new sex position
The boner hatch in the Iron Man suit
Never watching, discussing, or thinking about My Little Pony
Turn-of-the-century sky racists
The decade of legal inquests following a single hour of Grand Theft Auto
A fully-dressed female video game character
Buying virtual clothes for a Sim family instead of real clothes for a real family
Google Glass + e-Cigarette: Ultimate Combo!
Tapping Serra Angel
Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam!
Legendary Creature - Robert Khoo
Winning the approval of Cooking Mama that you never got from actual mama
Eating a pizza that's lying in the street to gain health
Getting into a situation with an Owlbear
Grand Theft Auto: Fort Lauderdale
A madman who lives in a police box and kidnaps women
SNES cartridge cleaning fluid
An immediately regrettable $9 hot dog from the Boston Convention Center
Running out of stamina
Casting Magic Missile at a bully
Getting bitch slapped by Dhalsim
Firefly: Season 2
Rotating shapes in mid-air so that they fit into other shapes when they fall
Jiggle physics
Paying the iron price
Sharpening a foam broadsword on a foam whetstone
The rocket launcher
The depression that ensues after catching 'em all
Loading from a previous save
Violating the first Law of Robotics
Getting inside the Horadic Cube with a hot babe and pressing the transmute button
Punching a tree to gather wood
Spending the year's insulin budget on Warhammer 40k figurines
The Klobb
Achieving 500 actions per minute
Vespene gas
Wil Wheaton crashing an actual spaceship
Charging up all the way
Judging elves by the color of their skin and not the content of their character
Smashing all the pottery in a Pottery Barn in search of rupees
Forgetting to eat and consequently dying
Zero F**K's Given!
Windows update
Wilfrord Brimley's Mustache
Wikileaks
Why not Zoidberg?!
White Shirt
Warp core breach
W.O.P.R
Vinyl Vanna
Vegas 2.0
Using 4Chan for parenting advice
User Error
Undercover NBC DateLine Reporter
UDP Handshake
Two Girls One Cup
Truffle Shuffle
Trigger word
Tractor Beam
Toxic BBQ
I'm a text
Tongue punch that fart box, boy
TL;DR
Threat modeling
Throat Punching
There's talks at DEF CON?
The Spanish Inquisition
The smell of glitter and lost dreams
The plan was to crowd source a plan
The fractured elements of her psyche reassembled themselves into an exact likeness of a snarling ferret and she self-destructed
The asshole sitting to my right
The asshole sitting to my left
That's What ~ She
That's Racist!
That place where I put that thing that time
That just happened and we let that happen
Tentacle Porn
TARDIS
Sweat, anger and shame
Stolen laptops
Sticky keyboard
Steve Wozniak
Steampunk
SRDF (Self Righteous Dick Face)
Squirrel
Spyware
Spotting a FED
SPAM with Bacon
Something something danger zone. I know. I'm not even trying anymore
Spacedicks
Slow Clap
Six gummy bears and some scotch
Situational awareness
Shut up and take my money
Schrödinger's cat
Shenanigans
Security theater
Security Evangelist
Security by obscurity
Script kiddies
Said no one ever!
Sabu
Running backwards through a corn field
Rule 34
Ruby on Rails
Rolling Natural 20's
ROFLCOPTER
Riding a horse
Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
Ribbed for their pleasure
Restore from backups
Redbull without a cause
Red Shirts
ReCaptcha
Real men of Genius
Rainbow tables
Rageface
Rage quit
Put Kevin back
Put a bird on it
Purchasing challenge coins on eBay
Prism
Priest in a thong doing the Gangnam Style
Pressing the red button
Prenda Law
Prairie dogging during an interview
Practicing Gringo Warrior at home with baby oil. Naked
P0rn
PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!
Pop, Pop, Ret
Pool2Girl
Please do the needful
Pirate Party
Pepper spray
PedoBear
Patrick Star
Pastebin password files
Passwords emailed in plain text
Password: Guest
0wning You
Online backups
One Salty Hash
OMGBTFBBQ
Obvious
NSA
Now I'm into something... Darker
Not a single fuck was given
North Korea's Twitter Account
No Starch Press
No Reason
Nmap
Ninjas, Pirates, Robots, and Zombies!
Ninja badge
Nigerian scammers
Neck beard
NAMBLA
Na-ah-ah You didn't say the magic word!
My sex robot Fisto Roboto
My massive SSD
My little Bronies
My first Prostate Exam
Mouth Hugs
Mega
Mega Upload
Math is hard. Lets go shopping!
Masturbating in a hot tub for a Ninja Badge
Mansplaining
Maniacally laughing while wearing a monocle
Making a sandwich
Maintaining the Ballmer Peak
Lock picks
Level 8 Portal
Lemon Party
Learning something at Con
Lady boner
L0pht
Keyloggers
Kevin Mitnick
Kegels
Just the Tip
Just a sniff
Julian Assange
John McAfee
It's just a bunch of ones and zeros
It blended!
Ingress
Infected email attachments
In the cloud
Implied Situational Consent
Ill-tempered sea bass
If you know what I mean
Identity theft
ICANN
I should buy a boat
Humperdink award
HuBot (Chatroom bot)
Hookers & Blow
Hashtag
Handcuffs
Grumpy Cat
Gray beard, gray balls
Grammar Nazi
Got it done!
Good Guy Greg
Golf cart
Glasshole
Getting thrown the the pool by the Goons with all your tech
Getting hammered in the ass so much you die of getting hammered in the ass
Getting F'd in the A with a D
Getting a sympathy boner
Fyodor
FX
Forking someone's repo
Forever Alone
FOIA Request
Floppy Disk
Flipping a table
Flesh light
Flame wars
Fist full of assholes
Fish fingers and custard
First World Problems
Finished it last week!
FemiNazi's
Fear Uncertainty Doubt (FUD)
Fapping while wearing a horse head mask
Fapping on the family computer
Fapped
Facepalm
EXIF data stalking
End User License Agreement
Electronic Frontier Foundation
Edward Snowden
Drunken Muppet
Drones
Double ROT13
Double Facepalm
Don't Blink
Dr. Who
Dongs
Doing the '(you are) NOT the father' dance
Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA)
Die in a fire
Dick andgor Balls
derp.rar (yo.zip)
Def Con Wireless
Do not connect to this!
Deep C Phishing
Dark Tangent
Dan Kaminsky Password Generator
Dan Kaminsky
Daaaaaanger Zone!
Cyber war
Cyber-douchery
Cyber Punk
Crying over spilt milk
Crash Override
Copyright trolls
Coding while listening to whale songs
Clicking shit
Chuck Norris
China
Check a look at you later
Cat memes
Caressing a man's hairy chest
Captain Crunch (John Draper)
Butthurt
Butt chugging mom's boxed wine
But then I'd have to kill you
Big Dongles
Big Data
Being the big spoon
Being the little spoon
Being sexually aroused by the sight of TSA's gloves
Bath salts
Bacon
Babe caught me slippin'
Awkward mouth hugs
Awkward hugs
Asymmetric encryption
Arbitrary code execution
APT1
Anonymous
And then it died
And boom goes the dynamite
An arrow to the knee
Altair 8800
All the Things!
Alexis Park
Ain't nobody got time for dat!
Ada Initiative approved flesh-light with anti-rape condom included!
ACTII pr0n
A van down by the river
A town with no ducks
A series of explicit Post-It notes
A series of tubes
A Raspberry Pi
A Payphone
A Ninja-tel Phone
A Hak5 Pineapple
A Googly eyed blow job
A giant cup of STFU
A fake ID made from Kinko's
A baby's arm holding an apple
A 'Pair of Docs'
64 Bit Keys
503 Card Unavailable
501 Card Error
500 internal card error
406 Not Allowed
404 Not Found
403 Forbidden
401 Unauthorized
3D printed P0rn
302 Card Redirect
10,000 Canadian Pennies
1.21 Jigawatts
(wub) (wub) (wub)
'I Survived Ada Camp' Challenge Coin
1337 Sp3ak
10 Incredible Facts About the Anus
A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world
A Ugandan warlord
A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans
A dance move that's just sex
A fart
A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes
A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry
A hopeless amount of spiders
A horse with no legs
A kiss on the lips
A manhole
A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness
A sex goblin with a carnival penis
A shiny rock that proves I love you
Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers
Africa
All the single ladies
Almost giving money to a homeless person
Ambiguous sarcasm
An interracial handshake
Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night
Ass to mouth
Blackula
Bouncing up and down
Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality
Child Protective Services
Crazy opium eyes
Dem titties
Depression
Doo-doo
Drinking responsibly
Exploding pigeons
Falling into the toilet
Finally finishing off the Indians
Fucking a corpse back to life
Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis
How awesome I am
Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other
Interspecies marriage
Jizz
Khakis
Lots and lots of abortions
Moderate-to-severe joint pain
My dad's dumb fucking face
My sex dungeon
My worthless son
Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits
No clothes on, penis in vagina
Party Mexicans
Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa
Sharks with legs
Smoking crack, for instance
Snorting coke off a clown's boner
Some sort of Asian
Sports
Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip® until he starts having fun
Sugar madness
The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East
The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China
The safe word
The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction
The size of my penis
The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real
Three consecutive seconds of happiness
Unquestioning obedience
What Jesus would do
Whatever a McRib® is made of
Whispering all sexy
The biggest, blackest dick
A box
A box within a box
A boxing match with a giant box
A box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits, and a biscuit mixer
An outbreak of smallbox
The Boxcar Children
A world without boxes
Boxing up my feelings
A box-shaped man
A man-shaped box
Something that looks like a box but turns out to be a crate
A box that is conscious and wishes it weren't a box
An alternate universe in which boxes store things inside of people
The J15 Patriot Assault Box
A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid
Two midgets shitting into a box
A falcon with a box on its head
Being a motherfucking box
Former President George W. Box
Pandora's vagina
Tom Baker, in nothing but a scarf
Walking in on Jack Harkness doing your mom. And your dad
The buzzing noise that the Sonic Screwdriver makes
Sharing a public restroom with a weeping angel
Just now realizing that \"Torchwood\" is an anagram of \"Doctor Who\"
Fifty years of fanfic
Wanting to punch that teeny-bopper Whovian that's butthurt the new Doctor isn't in his twenties
The Doctor going back in time to solve a REAL problem: \"Twilight\"
A \"Doctor Who\" body pillow
The Silence
A Rusty Cyberman
The Doctor having a chance encounter with a couple of 80s metalheads
Drunkenly drawing tally marks on your face
A shitty Doctor Who knock-knock joke
Davros getting up on the wrong side of the bed
The Master, baiting the doctor into a trap
A Vashta Nerada that just wants a hug
Wishing you could regenerate
Kidnapping a barely-legal woman to time travel with
Getting so much plastic surgery, you have to be framed and moisturized
Quitting this panel after one round, because you are afraid of getting typecast
The poor costume decisions that were made in the 1970s
The Mary Jane Adventures
Fondling a Dalek's slippery bits
Sixteen feet of scarf bondage
Air from my lungs
Smoking 1000 cigarettes, just so you can sound like a Dalek when you talk
Giving her the ol' plastic Mickey
Companion Porn
An acid rain shower on Skaro
Pointing to your crotch and saying \"Allons-y\"
A sonic screwdriver stuck on the vibrate setting
Pouting in a rain storm and having to take a wicked piss
The poor decision that is having a staring contest with a weeping angel
Sorry, this answer is only available in the fanfic version of Cards Against Con
Plot holes so wide, you could drive a truck through them
A blinged-out TARDIS, blasting dubstep when it is travelling
Rose Tyler's teeth
The Master singing \"Bad Case of Loving You.\"
Steven Moffat taking a big old dump in your Cheerios
K-9 humping your leg
A bigger, bluer TARDIS
Robot Anne Robinson
A fez caked with semen
A GUITARDIS
The Celestial Toymaker's \"plaything\"
Captain Jack Harkness
A furry writing BAD WOLF everywhere
Your dyslexic friend that wants you to come watch a marathon of \"Doctor How\"
Fapping to Billie Piper portraying a callgirl
Being used as a plot device by Steven Moffat
A Costco-sized bag of Jelly Babies
A global simulcast that forces Whovians to see sunlight for the first time in ages
THE END OF TIME ITSELF!
Finding Autons oddly attractive
The fuck machine dungeon of the Cybermen
Glenn Beck convulsively puking as a brood of Daleks swarm in on him
River Song
Low-budget special effects
Eggs
Dalek porn
Taking a Doctor Poo
The big banana in your pocket
Opening the door of the TARDIS and leaving a deuce in the time-space continuum
David Tennant
Matt Smith
Chistopher Eccleston
Siltheen farts
A kid in a gas mask asking if you are his mummy
Fish fingering your custard
The hideousness that is Raxacoricofallapatorious
An Ood getting a starring role in a hentai
… . .-. . -. .. - -.—  (Serenity)
'Rails with pails
\"Apple Juice.\"
A bull penis cane
A chip in your heart that forces you to love
A dead Ms. Paint
A dominant Kankri
A five minute video of Cronus giving Kankri a blowjob
A mighty wwizard of wwhite science
A Nicolas Cage body pillow
A painting of a horse attacking a football player
A rapist cuttlefish
A slaughtered sperm whale
A smuppet in Dirk’s pants
A Strider sandwich
A VrisKan waffle
Accidentally touching Gamze’s enormous codpiece
Actual blind people who cosplay Terezi
Alternian fine art
Alternian rainbow-drinker romance novels
An acrobatic fucking pirouette
Andrew Hussie
Andrew Hussie’s lips
Anonymous Soporifics Support
Apple Juice
Aradia Bot
Aradia Megido
Aradia’s charred, rotting corpse
Aranea Serket
Aranea's exposition stand
Arguing over troll sexuality
ARquiusprite’s muscles
Arthour the lusus
AVATAR
Baby Dave
Bard Quest
Beating the shit out of Terezi
Bec Noir
Becoming Tumblr famous
Being fuck deep in meowcats
Being in a relationship with a non-Homestuck
Being in a relationship with a non-Homestuck
Being locked in a Prospitian prison
Being the other guy
BETTY FUCKING CROCKER
Binge reading every fanfiction for a pairing and then hating yourself a little bit
BL1ND JUST1C3
Blackrom orgies
Bro and Dave banging while Rose watches
Bro
Bro's rapping ventriloquism act
Bro’s death
BUCKETS
Butler Island
C4NDY R3D BLOOD >:]
Caledscratch
Caliborn
Caliginous speed dating
Calliope
Can Town
Can Town
Cards Against Alternia
Carlos Maraka
Casey
Centaur milk
Charging down halls, shouting profanities and being silly
Cherub m-preg
Cherub mating rituals
Chest of WHIMSY
Cliched JohnKat fanfiction
Cod Palace
Cod Tier Gamzee
Communism!
Constantly breaking Hussie’s copyright
Cosplay sex
Cosplayers who do photo shoots in bondage (God bless them)
Cosplayers who do photo shoots in bondage (God bless them)
Cosplayers who don’t seal their paint
Crabdad
Creative uses for Aradia’s whip
Cronus actually getting laid
Cronus Ampora
Dad EgbertgDad Crocker
Dad's pipe
Dad’s fedora
Damara Megido wearing white at her wedding
Damara Megido
Damara Megido’s existence
Dante Basco
Dating exclusively within the fandom
Dave Strider
Dave’s throbbing beef truncheon
Dead parents
Destroying clocks
Developing a deep fear of the sound of clown horns after becoming a Homestuck
Dirk Strider
Dirk’s self-insert MLP fan character
Discovering Sollux is red-blue colorblind
Doc Scratch
Drawing pornography for Caliborn
Elf tears
Equius cumming so hard he blows a hole straight through his partner
Equius Zahhak
Equius’s choice ass
Equius’s copy of \"Fifty Shades of Neigh.\"
Equius’s towel
Equius’s used towel pile
Eridan Ampora
Eridan crying after pailing Vriska for the first time
Eridan stripping to make rent
Eridan’s cape
Eridan’s empty quadrants
Eridan’s empty quadrants
Eridan’s lowwer half
Eridan’s upper half
Falling into a pool of lava
Fat Vriska
Faygo
Feferi Peixes
Feferi’s voluptuous curves
Fiduspawn
Fifty fucking Nepetas
Filling all of your quadrants
Filling all of your quadrants
Finding grey paint on your bathroom door three weeks after the last meetup
Fis)( puns!
Flighty broads
Flipping the fuck out
Game Bro Magazine
Gamzee Makara
Gamzee’s clown horns
gAmZeE’S pOtIoNs: 420 bOoNbUcKs
Geromy
Getting forked by a 2x3dent
Gl'bgolyb. AKA Feferi’s fucking lusus
Going to the bark side
Grandpa HarleygGrandma English
Grimbark Jade
Groincobblers
Gross misinterpretations of your favorite character
Hateclown on the side
Having STRONG surprise buttsex
Hellmurder Island
Hemostuck
Hemostuck
Her Imperious Condescenscion
Her Imperious Condescension’s royal butt-plug collection
Homesmut Voices
Homestuck stealing all the fans from Hetalia and then subsequently watching all its fans leave for OFF and Danganronpa
Homestuck
Homosuck
HONK HONK, MOTHER FUCKER
Horsearoni
Horuss Zahhak
Hot crossplayers
Hunk Rump Magazine
Hussie constantly breaking copyright and then telling his fans to not break his copyright
Hussie constantly breaking copyright
Hussie jacking it to our tears of anguish
Jade Harley
Jade’s dog penis and knot
Jailbreak
Jake English standing there like a fucking idiot
Jake English
Jake English’s assless chaps
Jake English’s choice ass
Jake English’s manhood
Jane Crocker
John Egbert
John’s flaming homosexuality
John’s Prankster’s Gambit
Just KNOWING that Slick is going to stab Ms. Paint
Kanaya destroying Cantown
Kanaya Maryam
Kanaya's ashen promiscuity
Kanaya’s chainsaw
Kankri Vantas
Karkat actually topping, for once
Karkat and Jade’s adorable little of mpreg puppies
Karkat dying of a burst blood vessel mid-rant
Karkat going through puberty before every other troll and being, like, nine feet tall
Karkat Tantrum Bingo
Karkat Vantas
Karkat’s ragegasm
Karkat’s tiny, angry looking dick
Kawaii Yaoi
Kurloz Makara
Lame bucket jokes
Latula Pyrope
Laying back and thinking of Alternia
Leprechaun m-preg
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection. MAIL
Lil' Cal's dead eyes
Lil’ Cal
Lil’ Cal’s raging boner
Lil’ Hal
Lil’ Seb
Little children who poop hard in their baby ass diapers
Lord English
Lord English’s peg leg
Lucky Charms
Maid Equius
Maple Hoof
March Eridan
Masturbating while thinking of your OTP
Masturbating while thinking of your OTP
Maxing out your credit cards to buy Homestuck merchandise
Meenah Piexes
Meulin Leijon
Mierfa Durgas
Mierfa Durgas’ troll-horn nunchakus
Mind honey
Mister Dude, Sir Brah, Dood Dude, Vitamin D, Dude Esquire
Mituna Captor
Mom
MS Paint Adventures
MSPARP
Murdering angels
Muscle beasts
My Little Hoofbeast: Moirailigence Is Magic
Nektan Whelan
Neophyte Redglare
Nepeta Leijon
Nepeta violently mauling people with bad ships
Nepeta’s heat cycle
Nepeta’s shipping chart
Never being able to look at apple juice, milk, buckets, or knitting needles without feeling a little bit uncormfortable
Never dating a Serket
Nic Cage saying \"boner.\"
No homo
Noping the fuck out of there
Not shipping it
Nyehs and wwehs
Only cosplaying male characters when you get pregnant
Overtaking entire conventions
Paint splatters that look like troll cum
PantsKat
Paradox slime
Petstuck
PipeFan413
Plush Rump Magazine
Plush rump
Porrim Maryam
Porrim's condom stash
Porrim’s motherly affections
Post-apocalyptic shroudwear
Problem Sleuth
Recuperacoon
Remembering that awkward time when Karkat called Future arachnidsGrip \"FAG.\"
Rose and Kanaya snuggling
Rose Lalonde
Rose telling John she’s a lesbian and they will never be together
Rose’s review of \"My Immortal.\"
Roxy Lalonde
Rufio
Rufioh Nitram
Sacred leggings
SBAHJ hentai doujinshi
Schrödinger's Nepeta
SCIENCE WAND!
Seadweller dick fins
Selling your soul to Hussie
Shippers
Shipping it
Shipping the fuck out of something
Ships ending in -cest
Shitty swords
Shopping with Terezi
Sick fires
Skipping to Act 5
Sleeping ten people to a room at conventions
Sloppy inter-species makeouts
Smuppets
Sobbing uncontrollably while reading fanfiction
Sollux Captor
Sollux’s bifurcated bone bulge
Sopor pies
SORD
Soul portraits
Species-swap fanfics
Spidermom
Staying up to three AM, cleaning the grey off every surface of your hotel room in a desperate bid to not get fined
Stealing Tavros’s wheelchair
Stridercest
Sugoi Yuri
sweet bro and hell jeff
TAB
Tavros Nitram
Tavros’s wheelchair
Telling Sollux what happens to male bees after sex
Tentabulges
Tentative thank-you stabs
Terezi Pyrope
That dead crow with the sword through it
That human vacation with the giant red chimney-ass-hole
That shitty apple
That wonderful feeling when you take off your binder
The \"special attachments\" we ALL know that Equius gave to AradiaBot
The 7th Gate
The animes
The Condesce’s crotch
The Condesce’s selfies
The Dildo of Oglogoth
The Disciple
The Dolorosa
The E%ecutorgExpatri8 Darkleer
The Exiles
The Felt
The gays
The glory that is BroJohn
The Grand Highblood
The Great Hiatus of 2013
The green sun
The guy who fingered an Ampora
The Handmaid
The hemospectrum
The Hilarocaust
The Homestuck drinking game (do a shot every time someone dies!)
The Insane Clown Posse
The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called
The Marquise Spinneret Mindfang
The Mayor
The mere concept of the Olive Garden
The Midnight Crew
The noises Mituna makes during sex
The Orphaner Dualscar
The Psiionic
The ridiculous fact that some people communicate without luminous rear ends
The Shipping Olympics
The significant purposes, biologically speaking, of troll nipples
The slammer
The SufferergThe Signless
The Summoner
The sweat-drenched, rippling muscles of several truly majestically endowed hoofbeasts
The undeniable fact that Gamzee did nothing wrong
The unimaginable amounts of cash Faygo’s been making off of Homestucks
The Wrinklefucker
The Wrinklefucker
Toilet displacement
Topping from the bottom
Triggers
Troll blood
Troll horns
Troll Will Smith
Trolls misunderstanding what \"Bucket List\" means
Tumblr spoilers
Tumblr user Egberts
Tumblr user Pizza
Tumblr
Unreal air
UPD8!!!!!!!!
UPS delivery woman Nepeta
Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer
Violent Blackrom sex
Vodka Mutini
Vodka
Vriska dying after being stabbed by Terezi
Vriska Serket
Vriska’s SEXY sex tips for having SEXY SEX!
Warhammer of Zillyhoo
What pumpkin?
When your favorite character dies
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
Willingly filling buckets with Eridan
Wondering if Meenah has a pitch crush on John, what with the attempted stabbings
World building!
Your 300 pound matronly freight-train
Your lusus giving you \"The Talk.\"
Your Mary Sue fantroll
Your privilege
Your significant other coming home and finding you in full grey cosplay
Making 77 cents on the dollar (unless you're Latina)
Inspirational Dove chocolate wrappers
Masturbating to Ty Pennington
Pretending you'll wear that bridesmaid dress again
Mansplaining
Beyonce thinkpieces
Gabby Giffords' physical therapy
Female genital mutilation
When the tampon's too low and you feel it with every step
A joke too funny for women to understand
Meryl Streep selfies
Hillary bitch-slapping Bill with a frozen tuna
The Bechdel Test
Staph infections from dirty nail salons
Stalking wedding photos on Facebook, weeping softly
Emma Goldman burning the whole motherfucker down
Douches that smell like rain
Rosa Parks' back seat
Engagement photos on train tracks
Choking on the ashes of Gloria Steinem's bras
The cold, hard truth that no lesbian has ever scissored
Doing your kegels at work
Misandry
Abortion Barbie
Telling a street harasser \"You know what? I *will* blow you.\"
Peggy Olson's cutthroat ambitions
A quickie with Rachel Maddow in the green room
Forcefeeding Sheryl Sandberg the pages of Lean In, one by one
Emma Watson, Emma Stone, EMMA THOMPSON BITCHES
Dumpsters overflowing with whimisical save-the-date magnets
The torture chamber where Kathryn Bigelow keeps James Cameron
A detailed vajazzling of Van Goh's Starry Night
STOP MAKING ME PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT YOUR WEDDING PINTEREST DARLA
The Chub Rub
Chin hairs you pretend you don't have
A strongly worded letter to Netflix demanding the addition of \"The Good Wife\"
Doubling up on sports bras
When a dog smells your crotch and you know exactly why
Malala's gunshot wounds
Lactating when a stranger's baby cries on the train
A new cookbook by Sylvia Plath
Crying in the fitting room during bikini season
Eating the entire bag
Scalding hot wax right there on your labia
The G-Spot, the Y-spot, the other spot you made up to confuse your partner
The Golden Girls' never-ending supply of frozen cheesecake
Forcefeeding Sheryl Sandberg the pages of Lean In, one by one
Underboob swet like rancid milk
Wondering whether your girl crush on Hermione constitutes pedophilia
Taking a giant dump on the 18th green at the Augusta National Golf Club
A brown smudge equally likely to be period blood or chocolate
A hand-crocheted Diva Cup case from Etsy
Your gigantic crush on Jenna Lyons
A one-way ticket to Steubenville
A bodice-ripping 4-way with Alexander Skarsgard, Ian Somerhalder, and David Boreanaz
Finger banging Michelle Rodriguez
Princess Aurora maniacally devouring the still-beating heart of Maleficent
A tear stained copy of Reviving Ophelia
A misogynist dystopia set in a not-too-distant WAIT A MINUTE
Dying your hair red like Angela Chase
Daenerys Targaryen's fire-breathing vajayjay
Resentfully clicking like on your boss's vacation photos
Calmly informing your date that you understand the infield fly rule better than he does
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making out on a pile of Bitch magazines
Only shaving up to the knee
Meredith Grey's slut phase
Shameful childhood memories of envying the wheelchair girl who got all the attention
Sort of wishing the baby on the plane would die
Tenderly dominating Uncle Jesse from behind
Stumbling on David Wright performing as Judy Garland in the East Village
Urinating on yourself to prevent an assault
When a FOX News anchor causally references 'ebonics'
Getting DPed by the Property Brothers on a custom granite countertop
Being compared to a Cathy Cartoon on Metafilter
Kim Kardashian's placenta banh mi
Asking Gilbert Gottfried to do the Iago voice during sex
Watching Bethenny Frankel struggle for life in a churning sea of pre-mixed SkinnyGirl cocktails
An alternate version of the Washington Monument that looks kind of like a vagina
Telling Pacey your innermost secrets in a canoe beneath the Capeside stars
The blue liquid from tampon commercials
Patti Stanger's line of jewelry
#solidarityisforwhitewomen
A candlelight vigil for Nicole Brown Smith
Sexual fantasies involving Mindy Lahiri and a sumptuous coffeecake
Tweeting Cory Booker about that guy walking behind you
A gender neutral, owl-themed baby announcement
Being the only woman at the office-mandated sexual harassment training
Asking Larry Summers increasingly difficult mathematical questions until Bar and Mat Mitzvahs are considered equally important
Cramming Vladimir Putin full of Activia until he poops out Russia's homophobia
Snotsicles
Naked News
Done Cherry's wardrobe
Syrupy sex with a maple tree
Terry Fox's prosthetic leg
Canada: American's hat
Homo milk
Mr. Dressup
The Front de Libération du Québec
Heritage minutes
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police
Stephen Harper
Burning down the White House
Being Canadian
The Famous Five
A Molson muscle
An icy hand job from an Edmonton hooker
Poutine
Schmirler the Curler
The Official Languages Act. La Loi sure les langues officielles
Newfies
The CBC
Graham Greene playing the same First Nations character on every TV show
Killing a moose with your bare hands
tim Hortons
Quintland
Karla Momolka
A depressed tentacle monster
Pussy spiders
The erotic possibilities of duct tape
A starsip powered by orgasms
A vagina dentata
The periodic table of the awesoments
An erotic audio drama, complete with moans and groans
An addictive aerosol aphrodesiac
Debugging nanobot code while hung over
Never being able to touch your lover ever again
Enormous breasts. I mean, seriously, 'how does she even walk' gigantic
The sneaking suspicion that having sex with a theriomorph is actually bestiality
Majoring in mad science
Balticon!
A call on the listener feedback line that turns out to be a wrong number
Penis enlargement that actually works
Dirty Mad Libs
Pregnant sex
A killer corset
Professor Pinkertoot's Bosom Wax
Genderfuckery
Zero gravity sex
Badly translated Latin
Detachable Boobs
Making up for 10 years of shitty parenting with a PlayStation
Giving money and personal information to strangers on the Internet
A magical tablet containing a world of unlimited pornography
These low, low prices!
Piece of shit Christmas cards with no money in them
Moses gargling Jesus\'s balls while Shiva and the Buddha penetrate his divine hand holes
The Hawaiian goddess Kapo and her flying detachable vagina
The shittier, Jewish version of Christmas
Swapping bodies with mom for a day
Finding out that Santa isn't real
Slicing a ham in icy silence
The Grinch\'s musty, cum-stained pelt
Rudolph's bright red balls
Jizzing into Santa\'s beard
Breeding elves for their priceless semen
The royal afterbirth
Congress\'s flaccid penises withering away beneath their suit pants
Having a strong opinion about Obamacare
A simultaneous nightmare and wet dream starring Sigourney Weaver
Being blind and deaf and having no limbs
People with cake in their mouths talking about how good cake is
Sucking the President\'s dick
Sunny D! Alright!
A mulatoo, an albino, a mosquito, and my libido
Log.&trade;
Jerking off to a 10-second RealMedia clip
Deregulating the mortgage market
The Y2K bug
Wearing Nicolas Cage\'s face
Stabbing the shit out a Capri Sun
Kurt Cobain\'s death
Freeing Willy
Liking big butts and not being able to lie about it
The Great Cornholio
Pure Moods, Vol. 1
Yelling \”girl power!\” and doing a high kick
Pamela Anderson\'s boobs running in slow motion
Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time
Angels interfering in an otherwise fair baseball game
Getting caught up in the CROSSFIRE.&trade;
Patti Mayonnaise
Cool 90s up-in-the-front hair
Several Michael Keatons
A bus that will explode if it goes under 50 miles per hour
The black half of Barack Obama
The white half of Barack Obama
Free ice cream, yo
A face full of horse cum
Getting caught by the police and going to jail
My dead son's baseball glove
Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry
Western standards of beauty
Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri
Blowjobs for everyone
Blackface
Butt stuff
Some shit-hot guitar licks
Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion
Deez nuts
An unforgettable quinceañera
September 11th, 2001
Daddy's credit card
A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana
An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation
P.F. Change himself
Cutting off a flamingo\'s legs with garden shears
A giant powdery manbaby
Anal fissures like you wouldn\'t believe
Not believing in giraffes
Getting drive-by shot
A team of lawyers
AIDS monkeys
Wearing glasses and sounding smart
Slowly easing down onto a cucumber
A whole new kind of porn
40 acres and a mule
Boring vaginal sex
Genghis Khan\'s DNA
The tiger that killed my father
My boyfriend\'s stupid penis
Changing a person\'s mind with logic and facts
Child support payments
The passage of time
Going to a high school reunion on ketamine
A reason not to commit suicide
Russian super-tuberculosis
A mouthful of potato salad
All these decorative pillows
Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin
Being worshipped as the one true God
The basic suffering that pervades all of existence
The ghost of Marlon Brando
Out-of-this-world bazongas
Ancient Athenian boy-fucking
A crazy little thing called love
A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home
Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes
Being paralyzed from the neck down
Backwards knees
Having been dead for a while
My first period
Vegetarian options
The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle
The unbelievable world of mushrooms
Being nine years old
The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion
The swim team, all at once
Denzel
Unrelenting genital punishment
Mom\'s new boyfriend
A disappointing salad
A powered exoskeleton
Ennui
Oil!
Giant sperm from outer space
Doing the right stuff to her nipples
Too much cocaine
Seeing things from Hitler\'s perspective
A bass drop so huge it tears the starry vault asunder to reveal the face of God
Growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness
Shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl
A buttload of candy
Sucking all the milk out of a yak
Bullets
A man who is so cool that he rides on a motorcycle
Sudden penis loss
Getting all offended
Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti
One unforgettable night of passion
Being popular and good at sports
Filling a man\'s anus with concrete
Two whales fucking the shit out of eachother
Cool, releatable cancer teens
The amount of gay I am
A possible Muslim
Unsheathing my massive horse cock
A bowl of gourds
The male gaze
The power of the Dark Side
Ripping a dog in half
A constant need for validation
Meaningless sex
Such a big boy
Throwing stones at a man until he dies
Cancer
Like a million alligators
Eating together like a god damn family for once
Cute boys
Pussy
Being a terrible mother
Never having sex again
A pizza guy who fucked up
A whole lotta woman
The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing!
A peyote-fueled vision quest
Kale
Breastfeeding a ten year old
Crippling social anxiety
Immortality cream
Texas
Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis
A turd
Shapes and colors
Whatever you wish, mother
The haunting stare of an Iraqi child
Robots who just want to party
A self-microwaving burrito
Forgetting grandma\'s first name
Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers&reg;!
Treasures beyond your wildest dreams
Getting shot out of a cannon
The sweet song of sword against and the braying of mighty war beasts
Walking into a glass door
The color \"puce\"
Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger\'s tired body
The eighth graders
Setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio
The dentist
Gwyneth Paltrow\'s opinions
Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels
Rabies
Important news about Taylor Swift
Ejaculating inside another man\'s wife
Owls, the perfect predator
Being John Malkovich
Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak
An oppressed people with a vibrant culture
An overwhelming variety of cheeses
Reading the entire End-User License Agreement
Morpheus
Peeing into a girl\'s butt to make a baby
Generally having no idea of what\'s going on
No longer finding any Cards Against Humanity card funny